The Endgame

July 2020 - 4.45 am - The skies are still dark over the long bridge. It's a magnificent structure.  All steel and suspension wires. There's a light rain and the seas underneath are getting increasingly restless, throwing spray over the bridge.  The city in a lock down mode. A city under siege by a virus. There’s not a soul in sight.

A man stands dangerously on the ledge on the other side of the railing, his hands gripping the railing. His face revealing nothing. Yet the intent is clear. 

Dead man walking. A classic setting for the endgame.

He is 29 years old. Too young to die.  Faded blue shirt. Faded blue Jeans. Lean. Long hair. Expressive eyes. A chiseled jawline. A handsome guy.  

A random thought makes way into his head. 'May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be'.

He looks at the heavens bitterly. Yes - I am exactly where I am meant to be. He closes his eyes as he prepares to let go of life.

Hey!

The voice comes over the roar of the wind. There is a sense of urgency and yet a sense of calm. A stranger steps up from the shadows. Tall, Heavyweight, Long hair, unkempt beard, sharp eyes, a black mask. There is a virus eating the planet. 

There is something about the eyes. He reminds one of Hagrid. But not quite.

He has his shoes and jacket in his hands and carefully puts it on the ground. Then, he calmly removes his mask and puts it in his trousers. Before the other can comprehend, the stranger effortlessly jumps over the railing. He is now 5 feet away from our man on the ledge. The waves stare up at them.

WTF.

"You jump and I jump too". The younger man stares at him. 'What is this? The Titanic"? The stranger laughs. It's an easy laugh. 'For someone about to kill himself, you sure have some sense of humor’!

The anger returns. "Go away, leave me alone".

The stranger shrugs. 'Everyone dies someday, son. But it's not your time today'.  And mind you, I specialize in rescuing lost souls.  And let me tell you, I am a strong swimmer.  With and against the tide. So there! 

There is kindness in the voice. And there is kindness in the rugged eyes.  The compassion and empathy goes into the lost soul's heart like an arrow.  

The man sniffles. The tears are dangerously close to the surface. The stranger looks at him and asks gently. 'Want to talk about it'?

'No, I want to die'.

'It’s okay, my son. Tell me your story. What could have happened to such a cool guy?  To lead him to quit. There's something about you that tells me you are not a quitter!

'Listen Hagrid'.

Don't call me that! I like Harry Potter, but there are limits!! 

The easy humor and kindness makes its way to the man's heart. The dam breaks. The words come tumbling out incoherently. In bits and pieces.

It's a story of despair. And heartbreak. The young man's eyes goes into a misty past.

3 years back. "It was my best friend Scarlett's wedding. We went for a late night drive before the day of the wedding. There were 4 of us, including her fiancé'."

A car blindsided them. The tears cloud the eyes as he looks back at the car wreck dully.

Everyone died.  I lived. Why?... I drove the car.  I killed them! 'I am tired of living with myself anymore'.

A survivor’s guilt.

And then life goes spiraling downhill from there. Friends. Family. He has left them all behind to run from the car wreck.  He hasn't slept in 3 years. It's been quite a journey since then.

More than a 29 year old can handle. More than anyone of us can handle. He looks at the stranger resignedly. 

'I can't fight any more'. 'I am a loser'. The word hangs in the air, refusing to go anywhere. A damning final indictment of a human being. There is silence in the air. Both the men look at the rising sun in the horizon.

The stranger looks at the man.  

I'll tell you something. You? A loser? A quitter?..Do you even know what you are talking about! Just look at you. 

Do you smoke?  The man looks at him dazedly. What is this? Is he offering me a last smoke or something?  'No I don’t'.

Do you drink? 'No I don’t'.

Drugs?  'No way!' 

You have not slept a single night for 3 years. Sleeping pills ? ‘No!'.

Doesn't that tell you something about yourself ? ‘No!’

Well, It tells me about someone who's been slugged repeatedly, bought down to the knees and still refuses to give in. It tells me you got the grit and character to take on the punches of life!

The man doesn't look at him. The hands are gripping the railing.

'Let me ask you another thing'. Do you remember you helped an old woman cross the street last month? Do you remember smiling at a street urchin on a signal and prayed to god he would have chances like everyone else?

The man stares at him. 'How do you know that?’

'Never mind that. These small acts of kindness and compassion define you. You have helped so many people in your journey. You were the 3 am person for so many people in your life. You are blessed with so much humor and kindness and warmth'.  Have you forgotten all that?

Believe me, you haven't a clue of your own worth. 

The man is silent.

Let me ask you another question. 'What happens to Tanya now?’ The man looks stricken.

Yes, Tanya. The German shepherd pup you took in 2 years back. You left her at the dog shelter yesterday. You didn't have the nerve to look at her the one last time! And you a keeper, of all people doing that !

There is no judgement in the voice. Just sadness.

The knife goes through the man's heart. A picture of dejection and misery of someone who knows he has let a loved one down. 

The stranger moves closer and looks at him intently. 

Just remember one thing my friend. 

You have forsaken a lot of people who love you. But you know what.. They love you unconditionally, and will never give up on you. You are truly blessed. They have you in their prayers every single moment since you left them. 

And their prayers have bought me to you. 

Trembling, the young man looks at him. 'Who are you’? The stranger shakes his head and says simply. 'I am here to take care of you. High time someone did. You have hit the rock bottom. You have suffered a lot more than anyone deserves to. Things will only get better.  I promise you. I'll take care of you. I'll never let go of you. Summer or winter. I promise you'.

6.02 am - The first of the seagulls fly in for an early morning sweep. There is a lone boat in the horizon. The stranger helps the young man off the ledge and now we are back on safe ground. Both sit on the pavement. The stranger puts back his shoes and puts his jacket round the man's shoulders. The man covers his face in his hands.

Hagrid!? 

'I really wish you wouldn't call me that’!

He is lost.  'What do I do, where do I go?'.. The stranger just looks at him. And leans over and gives him a bear hug. And keeps holding on while the tears starts flowing. He weeps for Scarlett and the life she never had.. He weeps for his lost friends..He weeps for his lost soul..He weeps for Tanya, his dog.

And he weeps for the car wreck that defined his life.

The stranger lets him cry on. And on and on. Taking his pain and grief. Till he's free of it. All of it. And the stranger does something very few people are privileged to see. In the young man's mind, he shows him a glimpse of a future of love, happiness And fulfillment.

The man opens his eyes in wonder. He feels light. A fog has cleared from the mind...A ray of happiness. And a glimmer of Hope. It's magic. They get up from the pavement and look at each other. There is amazement in the man's eyes.

Hagrid!?  The stranger rolls his eyes. 'Sigh, here we go again'. He then smiles. It's a beautiful smile. It's a smile full of sunshine and rainbows.

'I told you. You are going to be fine. I am watching your back. I'll always be there for you. I promise you'. And raising his hand in blessing, he dissolves into a brilliant shimmer of light and disappears into a white light in the skies. 

The man looks at the skies in wonder. He hugs the jacket given to him and buries his face in it.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

There is a spring in his stride as he takes out a mask from his faded blue jeans and puts it back on.  There is a virus eating the planet. He clutches on to the jacket.  He will never let it go. Ever.

He smiles. It's a beautiful smile. Time to get back to Tanya, his German shepherd.

And time to get back to life.

And life goes on..

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself… You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow…”- Khalil Gibran

It's a random thing. A child is born - to the parents no less than a princess. Or a prince.  Birthday Parties, School, Play, the warmth of a small child’s embrace.  A moment of love, joy, and incredible fulfillment. The dream of every parent. A loving and protective home - The right of every child. 

Graduations, Convocation, Dreams. Everyone grows up..as they must. The years roll by.  

Fast forward to a hospital ICU in Washington DC. A 27-year-old girl is seriously injured after a fall during a trek. The game of life is on a hit & miss mode now.  Her parents are sitting outside in the waiting room, paralyzed with fear, the clock mercilessly ticking away. It's been a strained equation between the parents and the daughter for some time now. Conflicts ranging on Career Choices and choices of relationships. Issues that are trivial compared to the nightmare unfolding now.

No matter how our relationship with our children is, they are a part of us…And their pain will always be part of us.

In another part of the world in Mumbai, a man holds vigil for his 75-year-old father who is in a coma. The end is due anytime now. A million thoughts go through his head as he grieves for his father, himself, and the gulf that existed between them. His father suddenly opens his eyes in the middle of the night and both father and son just look at each other for a long moment for the last time.  There are no words exchanged. The end comes 2 days later.

No matter how our relationship with our parents is, we are a part of them...and hence their pain will always become part of us, scarring our souls in ways we can never fathom.

Parents and Children - An equation that starts with the celebration of the birth of a new life. A bond made beautiful by love, tenderness, and family. And ironically with time, a bond invariably weighed down by the weight of expectations and a love that ultimately becomes conditional. Sadly, the worth of a child is often determined by the dreams of the parents’ definition of success. A lifetime of grappling with who is right and who is wrong.

But then, one day, a wake-up call comes from life who intervenes and takes away everything and leaves behind nothing but regrets and unanswered questions.

Maybe this could be your story, or mine..or maybe not whatever.

And life goes on.

A Slice Of Life

Keflavik International Airport, Reykjavík - Iceland. The crowd is sparse. It's January and the evening is bitterly cold. Flight FI782 has just landed from New York, JFK. In the shadows outside, a man in a dark overcoat waits for his brother, silent with grief. His brother comes out shortly. Their father has just passed away after a long illness. They hug each other. The eyes of one brother has the wretchedness of the one who is far away and has spent years dreading the final phone call. The eyes of the other brother has the haunted look of one who has stayed behind and has watched his parents grow old and frail and finally fade away. The two men are in their early 30s, separated by a couple of years. And a distance life and time will never bridge.

Nashville, Tennessee - A tragedy is unfolding. The funeral of an young girl is heartbreaking. She has been taken away by the gods at the age of three. Her mother and a seven year old brother are numb with shock. Her devastated father is one of the pall bearers and is having difficulty in shouldering the coffin. It is a burden too heavy for any parent in the world. An unknown soldier walks across the cemetery and gently steadies the father and takes the load on himself. When the coffin is lowered in the grave, the soldier kneels down, his face wet with tears. Even a complete stranger must go down on a bended knee at so monumental a loss.   

Marseilles, France. A man walks along the seaside by the Calanque de Morgiou, oblivious of the crowd around. He has loved and lost. The beginnings of a heartbreak are beginning to tug at his tortured soul. The tears flow as he looks in the distance at the lonely years ahead. He isn't the first one on earth to get defeated in love. But it sure feels like one. He will not get closure, but he will just learn to move on. He promises to himself that he will never run back to what broke him. love doesn't break your heart. People do.

Prague, Czech Republic. An innocuous school race of 7 year olds. The winner is being applauded by all - the pride of his parents and friends. In a lonely corner is the boy who came last. His father looks at him angrily and then ignores him. He doesn't care for his son's anguish and sees only a loser. The boy sits in a corner and cries. The potter has smudged his pristine creation before the cast is set. Damaged goods start early on in life.

Zhengzhou, China. A young Shaolin monk stands in front of a pool lit by silvery moonlight at 2 am. Floating on the water are thin wooden boards laid next to each other. His brow knit in concentration and muscles taut, the Shaolin monk prepares to do one of the toughest Kung Fu feats ever - the walk on water. The task is to race across the thin planks without falling. The young monk takes a deep breath and makes the first attempt. He crosses three planks, stumbles and sinks in the icy water. He comes up coughing and gasping for air and starts all over again. The flight on water is about speed, a delicate coordination of breathing, rhythm, balance and stamina. There is no audience here. No tests. The monk is here because he loves the art. His only competition is what he was yesterday. 

London, United kingdom. In a happening nightclub in the center of the city, a bunch of eighteen year old pretty girls, breathless with excitement are enjoying a night out. The future is limitless and exciting. They are too young to know grief. And in another corner is a bunch of 60 year olds enjoying a beer and laughing in the glow of quiet camaraderie. Old enough to know grief. But also, old enough to know that life is short and time doesn't wait for anyone.

A mountain in Tanzania - a mystery wreathed in clouds. The group of young climbers gather around the traveler who has just come back and bombard him with questions. The summit..how is the summit. The questions are all about the summit. The traveler smiles wearily. "Nothing is at the summit. The springs, the valleys, the mists, the sunrise and the sunset on the way is what the climb is all about...but you won't see them because all you are eyeing is the summit".

Darkness and sunshine are two sides of the same coin - the share is uneven and sadly determined purely by the roll of dice fate throws at us. All you can do is take it on the chin and move on to live another day.

And therein lies a tale.