All in a Day's Work

It's the 90s. The office setting is grim. It’s a corporate headquarters of a large conglomerate. Imagine a huge rectangle room. Imagine a line of cabins one side and severe looking chairs and tables on the other. 

On the left are the cabins where the Management rules from. The first cabin in that of Mr. Goswami, the personnel manager and who looks like an escaped convict. Next is the Top Man, Mr. Ranade - a thin man with a thick curling moustache and piercing eyes. Both his bark and bite are equally legendary. Three cabins to the right is the marketing Chief, Mr. Chatterjee who is our boss and center of our universe.  He has short curly hair, large spectacles over small ears adorning a thick neck and a pot belly to match.  

On the right of the floor are chairs and tables occupied by the worker bees. These are divided into a careful hierarchy. On the top are the old hands - the ones who have risen through the ranks. In our department, there is Mr. Chaturvedi, the logistics chief and Boss’s man Friday.  He is short and squat with an impressive belly. Then there is Mr. Joshi, the chief go to man. Ever smiling, fit and agile, Mr. Joshi lights up a cigarette every 30 minutes to stay healthy. He is our favorite because he is the most approachable of the lot.  And there is Octavia, our boss's secretary and his short hand expert. She is the gossip queen of the office, a pro in the grapevine chatter.

This lot is complemented by Mr. Choubey, the court astrologer that helps us make profits by doing havans and aligning our tables with the stars.

The next layer are the MBAs who joined a couple of years before us and who are still around. There is the suave and handsome Kulvee, self-assured and the department’s favorite pinup boy. Then there is the bespectacled Rakesh, oblivious to the world and perennially writing something on a paper pad with his head so low that it is left to his nose to prevent his specs from touching the table. And we have Amanda, the advertising in charge - the department loudmouth and the local bully.  

All in all, a curious crowd.

Finally, there are the freshly minted MBAs - the management trainees at the bottom of the table. This is the group of rookies I belong to. Despised by the old hands and everyone's favorite whipping boys. There is Sonal, my best friend - freckled, fiery, indignant and ready to take on the world. The regular rebel without a cause. There is Lee, benignly laid back and lighting up every now and then. Then there is PeeCee, a highly volatile girl and eyeing Lee. And there is me – Mr. Anonymous of the lot. All of us are twenty something.

9.00 am Mr. Chatterjee, The Marketing chief and our boss troops into office, his entourage consisting of a shifty eyed driver carrying his briefcase. Octavia looks up in fright. So does Sonal. Lee and I look at each other uneasily. Everyone is gauging his highness's mood - For that will dictate how the day will go. A closer look reveals the man is scowling darkly. Everyone's hearts sink. This doesn't look so good. Everyone's on the edge in the marketing department, especially the management trainees.

As per regular routine, 45 seconds after Mr. Chatterjee enters his cabin, the logistics head, Mr. Chaturvedi follows him. Two men against the world. 5 minutes later Mr. Chaturvedi comes out - balefully eyeing everyone one by one. Everyone shudders. His eyes finally settle on me - cowering in a corner. "Boss bula raha hai". With shaky legs I enter the cabin. "Yes Sir", I stammer. Boss looks at me scornfully. "Cigarette la". Relief washes over me like a flood. For the next 15 minutes, I systematically go combing the neighborhood for a smoke , happy in the thought I'm doing something productive.

9.30 am. In the morning, a breakfast trolley comes in manned by a mean old man called kaka. Today's special is til ka laddu. That’s my favorite and against my better judgement, I meekly ask for a second helping. The man rudely refuses. I go red in embarrassment at the public humiliation. The next moment all my friends around me spontaneously stretch their hands out offering me their only laddus. Life comes with its kindest moments at the most unexpected of times.

11.30 am. There is a meeting between our boss and the top man. As usual, the sales targets haven't been met and dear boss has just got an earful.  He comes out raving and ranting. Just imagine a bulldog that’s just been kicked in the ribs. Our spirits sink even lower.  Mr. Chatterjee curtly beckons the whole gang in his cabin wagging a finger. Everyone anxiously troops in the smoked out cabin. He glares at everyone and roars "JUST HOW MUCH CAN I COVER UP FOR YOUR INCOMPETENCE. HIGH TIME YOU PEOPLE LEARNT TO LIVE ON YOUR OWN OXYGEN!!!” He got the same lines from his boss 5 minutes back.  He bangs a thick fist on the table, causing pens and pencils jump all over the place in fright. "I WANT RESULTS” – he screams. Everyone hangs on fearfully to his words, too terrified to breathe. All except one. Octavia, our boss's secretary and his shorthand expert rises to the occasion. It's time to show solidarity to the boss. She huffs and puffs enthusiastically "We shall try to do our best, Sir”!!! Unfortunately, this only serves to incense boss further who glares at her angrily and yells "TRY, I DON'T WANT TRY, I WANT RESULTS". Octavia goes scarlet and deflates like a balloon. There is murder in her eyes. The management trainees all chuckle inwardly. One should know when to butter and when not to butter. We keep our eyes carefully on the floor. You don't want to be seen smiling at that moment by Boss.

2.30 pm. I am in the men’s washroom enjoying a quiet leak - The place is crowded and there is chatter and bonhomie in the air. Suddenly the place goes silent. The top man has walked in for a quick one. Those were the unfortunate times when private executive loos didn't exist. Zips go in the shutdown mode, toilets are flushed and the inmates flee. The place empties out in 5 seconds flat. No one wants to be around when the great man does his stuff. All except me. I am dreaming good dreams and am blissfully unaware of the heightened activity and suddenly find myself stranded alone next to the top man in the next cubicle. The silence hits me suddenly and I shut my eyes in panic and pretend the world doesn't exist. The moment passes.

5.30 pm. Mr. Chatterjee’s mood has cleared visibly and he is happy now. There is a dealer’s meet in the evening and he is looking forward to hitting the bottle and meeting old friends. The sun has come out of the clouds. There is a flood of relief around. Everyone's smiling with joy. The management trainees are visibly relieved. Boss comes out and expansively waves at me, slaps me on my back and says genially "Beta, Cigarette la". I go hunting for a cigarette and am happy in the thought I'm doing something productive.

8.30 pm. The dealer’s meet is on. Booze is flowing freely and the regional sales heads are getting an earful from my dear boss.  The management trainees are living it up with the free stuff and I wander off on my own, dreaming the good dreams - and walk straight into the danger zone.  Mr. Chatterjee eyes me and booms out “Come here young man”. I go stone sober and get the familiar sinking feeling. Boss puts an arm around me affectionately and tells the regional sales heads “You guys don’t know how to sell. Look at this young man – he just closed a deal worth a million yesterday”. Everyone cranes their neck to have a good look at me - there is awe and reverence in the air. I freeze in shock at this brazen lie and break into cold sweat. I didn't see this one coming. I stare back at everyone wild eyed with a silly smile on my face. There are hearty congratulations all around and I shake everyone’s hands weakly, desperately trying to think of some suitable customer’s name in case someone asked. Fortunately everyone’s too plastered to ask the finer details and I fly back to the bar as fast as my legs carry me and drown down 2 shots of neat vodka.

Much to our relief, the day finally ends.  Those were the happier days for the Management trainees.  Little did we know, that would change soon. Very soon.